Born Again All Alone on Easter Eve 2013
- a story of an amazing spiritual experience.
You can also watch me from 2013 telling my testimony in a 4 video playlist if you don't want to read..:
This is the story of what happened when I was saved on Easter eve 2013. I was alone that day. I have no Christian friends. The only one I know as a believer is my mother, but she never talked to me about her faith. But I heard from her that she has prayed for me. My point is that I became a Christian totally without influence from others. And it makes the experience more "real" in my eyes. I think it also makes it easier for other (non-believers) to believe in my story. The text below I wrote the day after Easter Eve. I was in kind of a “New Age” mindset when this took place, and how I word things will reflect that in this testimony.. I have grown and learned a lot since then...
I began to search for the spiritual in December 2012, and was on Easter Eve really looking for a "spiritual meditation experience" or something like that .. I had no idea that what I experienced that day would change my life forever. This is the story of what happened, as I wrote it down 31/03/2013:
I experienced sadness and happiness at the same time, I experienced crying for every sad and happy moment of my life, all at the same time. And then I experienced thinking every thought I was capable of thinking all at the same time. And my god, was that a mess.. I watched my thoughts objectively at the same time as I was thinking them subjectively. This was very funny. "The observer" in me at that moment, was in control of the body. I guess I can call "The Observer" in me; my higher self or my soul. Well a fragment of it, anyway.. Observing this thoughts, made me laugh and laugh.
It was so silly to see how we can connect every thought together like that. And it went so deep, and so wide it was almost impossible to stop it. Thinking that I was thinking about what I was thinking about. And at the same time trying to figure out why I was thinking this, while observing it objectively. And then I subjectively thought about that I was objectively observing all my other thoughts. Then I thought to myself, "oh my god this is deep" I became at that moment; the observer of the observer of all the thoughts I could possibly think and nest together. And this went on to deeper and deeper, or higher and higher levels. I even observed the "Raising through the levels" And counted them. I went all the way up to "level 10". When I reached that level, I told myself to go and lie down. Because at the time all of this was happening, I was sitting on the toilet.
The reason I was sitting at the toilet, was because before this, I was lying in bed, and was about to lose control of my body. I told myself that I was about to lose control so much, that I was going to poop my pants. At that moment I said to myself, Oh no! That I will not do. I used all the strength I had to get up, go and sit down on the toilet.
How I came to the point where I was beginning to lose control? Well, I smoked marijuana for the first (and last) time in my life, with the intention that this would help me with my spiritual awakening. And wow.. how it did. Wow, what a trip...he he he..:-)
But it did not start up as a positive experience. My plan before I smoked, was to sit how we sit, when we want to meditate, smoke, and wait for the cannabis to take effect. I had mixed a tiny amount of the cannabis I bought the night before with some regular tobacco. Well, what I thought was a tiny amount anyway. I took a couple of puffs, and sat in meditating position waiting for something to happen. I also had a video of the person who started me on my spiritual journey back in December on pause. It was the very first video I saw of her, and was about decalcifying the pineal gland. My plan was to press play on this video, when I felt the effect of the cannabis.
After the two first puffs, I only felt a small tingling sensation, and some pressure building up on the right side of my head. But nothing more. So I thought; "OK, it's not dangerous. Just smoke it all fast" So, I did, and it kicked in. When it kicked in, I was trying to focus on my breath, sitting up strait with my legs crossed. But when it really kicked in more and more, I was not able to sit like that. I became so dizzy, nauseous and uncomfortable that I had to lie down. I first fell over the side, and remember thinking "Why did I do this? How can anybody like this feeling?" I decided to put myself to sleep. "Maybe I'll dream something exciting."
At the same time I started to feel the tingling in my arm, like you feel if your arm is asleep. This tingling began to spread throughout the body, and increase more and more in intensity. It was not comfortable at all. I laid myself down, got up again and laid down. I said to myself, relax, lay down to sleep. These unpleasant feelings will soon be over. I actually began to relax. But it was then my fear of total loss of control came up. "I will probably throw up if I remain here" But I was so out of it, I replied "Yeah, whatever." Also, I said to myself, "You're going to lose control so much that you will poop in your pants." Even after that I said "Yeah, whatever." But only for a few seconds. It was at this time I managed to gather enough strength to go to sit on the toilet.
After I sat down on the toilet, and before the experience I tried to describe earlier started. The discomfort level I felt grew stronger and stronger. It got to the point where I was leaning forward, with my head on my knees and my hands in prayer. I started chanting: "Help me GOD, Help me GOD, help me GOD" over and over and over again. But the discomfort was still there, it would not go away. And then I said one time: "Help me Jesus" And at that moment, everything stopped. My physical discomfort went away in that second. And without even thinking about why, I started chanting "Help me Jesus, help me Jesus, help me Jesus" over and over again. Crying more and more each time I said it. I added "My god, what have I done?"
And cried more intensely than I have ever done in my whole life. I heard someone say "There you go, let it all out" It was like a pressure cooker. As I was crying, it was as if a steam valve was opened, and lots of air came out the other end. "pshhhhhhh, pshhhhhh" it said. I continued to cry, but it started to feel good to cry. And the voice said, "There you go, let it all out." again. After I had cried a bit more. I started chanting "Show me what I did, please show me what I did" And then I started feeling bad for not remembering what I did. And I cried even more intensely. After crying and "letting off steam" for a little while longer, I finally said "Please forgive me" I heard the reply as a simple "OK".
As soon as I heard that I instantly stopped crying, closed my eyes and sat up strait. I felt my hands started to raise up, and together to form the "flat hand together" praying position. A sudden peace came over me, as I sat there on my toilet with my hands together in prayer. But then the voice told me to open my eyes. I did, and looked at my hands. And I saw, to my own amazement, that my hands was not completely together. It was a gap between them. And I thought "Why?" "What?" "What does that mean?" And then I asked the real question I wanted answered; "Why Jesus?" What about all the other ascended master's?" "What about Buddha, Krishna and all the others?" The answer I heard was something like "Because Jesus is the one you know. Jesus is the one you rejected a long time ago. He was the one you needed to reconnect with" In other words; I had not any feelings for, or against any of the others. And I did ask about them. If they where real to. But as soon as I asked that, I got very concerned. I started thinking: "Oh no.. What if that is wrong of me to think that" "What if it is true that all the others are of the devil" I got afraid that I would think the wrong thing, I said "Please forgive me. I must have a demon in me. Then I started chanting "Please help me get rid of the demon, please help me get rid of the demon" But that didn’t calm me down at all. I got more and more concerned and confused, as I in desperation tried to remember the prayers we learned when we were young. I came to a point where I was thinking: "Oh no.. I cannot handle this. I don't know what to think and how to think. Please just tell me what to think:"
As I said this, I "Felt" someone smiling and laughing. And said: "That’s what "GOD fearing is" And then the voice said "OK, I can tell you what to think.." At that instant I went traveling true my every thought I could possible think about, and every time I thought it was not possible to "Get any deeper", a new layer of thought’s came through. And it could have gone on forever it seemed. And this was mostly thought’s about the thought's, and thought's about how I could not wait to tell my friends about this. I have never laughed so hard in my life. It was incredible.
I went deeper and deeper, or higher and higher. Through layer's or "generations" of thoughts. I became the observer of the observer of the observer of the thought's, all the way up to "layer 10" or 10th dimension of thought's. I thought I understood that and how we are all one. And that we are the result of each others thought's. But even at that level, I was concerned that I was laughing to loud. And in between all the other thoughts, I shushed at myself. But that only created another level, and I just laughed more. I came for a while to a place where I could control enough to tell "us" that we wanted to put "us" in bed again. (myself, the 10 observers of myself (who were other aspects of myself and Jesus) After I had gotten back in bed, I started to ask the biggest yes and no questions you can ask.
"Am I dead?" answer was "yes." I opened my eyes and saw that I was still here. so I could not fully understand the answer.
Therefor I asked the opposite question. "Am I alive?" Again the answer was "yes."
I began to understand it. I asked "Have the world gone under?" The answer was again "yes."
"But we are still here?" again the answer was "yes."
Then and there I finally understood how everything that exists is non-existent simultaneously. and the only time that exists here and now.
Then I got a question: "So, what do you want to do now? Shall we end this?"
I answered "What do you mean? Am I dead?" This time I did not get an answer, but I heard someone talking, without the ability to make out what they where saying. So I asked again "Am I dead? Am I dead?" And finally I got the answer "Well, that is entirely up to you."
I asked "Can I be someone else if I want?" The answer was yes, I could be whomever I want. I got the question: "Who do you want to be?" And the voice said "We can start a birth process now at once, if you want." I was thinking "Start over as an infant now? No, I don't want to do that." I asked if it was possible for me to just change to another body, but keep my own mind. The answer came as.."Hmmm, lets see.." And I saw a kind of a "searching tunnel." It went on for a little while. And after a while of searching, I heard "Well you can take over the body of your best friend" Instantly I knew "No, I can't do that. That would not be right. He has the right to his own life too" I instantly knew that was the correct answer. But then I was confused again. "But, we are all one..." The answer came at once; "Yes we are all ONE, but we are also separated at the same time. It is all about different perspectives. And your perspective is infinitely precious, just like everyone else's perspective." That was another, maybe the biggest awe moment I had this far." After this it was as if my consciousness was moved down a level or outside a room. There I heard two persons talking. I could only hear fragments of what was said. But I heard things like, "Should we end it here, or do we start over?" I tried at the time desperately to be heard. I said, "Begin again! Begin again Do not give up the hope for humanity." It seemed like one of them heard me. I heard he said "Let's start over. Let's continue. Let's have more fun."
After a while he who talked on my behalf, came back to me and said. "Congratulations we will continue on." And he was very happy about that. And he also said: "And remember. I am with you now, and I always will be. We are now one" But then my mind started to go nuts again. I thought something like "What.. We are one. You are Jesus, that means I am Jesus... no no no.. I cant be you... Oh no.. I'm still doubtful. Please take away my doubts" And he asked me "What in your mind would take away all your doubts?" I thought about it for a little while and said "Well.. If I have an out of body experience. And I float up through the roof, up through space and end up in a room where you sit..." And he answered "OK, lets try that. Lie flat on your back. Close your eyes." I did, and became very exited, probably too exited. He just laughed and said "OK.. Your not ready for that. You cannot control your body yet." Then I said. "Well, take control of my body then. Animate it."
Here something strange happened. One part of me said "You cant do that" and another part of me said "Sure, I can do that. I'll show you." One part of me said "OK. Put on some clothes and go outside." My body stood up, started to put on clothes. I was still in my own body, but I was not controlling it. I was there to make sure we put on shoes, a jacket and didn't forget to take the keys with us. We went outside. When we came outside, the situation was that I had control over the eyes and head, but I had no control over the rest of my body. As soon as we came out, I felt this massive power in me. I actually got concerned that the power I felt in me would blow away the buildings around me. I said "Be careful. I don't want to blow the buildings away"
Then I looked up at the stars, and said. "Can we fly? Lets fly! Come on! Let us at least experience that before this is over" So I was looking up, trying to figure out: "Hmmm, maybe if I pinpoint the correct star.." At the same time as my legs where walking forward. I wasn't even paying attention to my legs. But then I remembered that it was a Icy slippery road. And I said or thought "Watch out, its an icy road. "Yeah, I know" it was answered. At the end of the road we were walking on, I was asked: "Do you feel strong?" I answered "Yes, I feel stronger than I have ever been." My arms came up, and posed to show how strong I was. I felt I grew until I was as strong as "The Hulk" I felt it and even saw it in "aura form" I knew at that moment that if I wanted to, I pick up a tree without problems. And then he said "Good, because we are gonna meet the devil now." Immediately I answered "Meet the devil? Now? Does the devil want to fight me? Sure I'll fight the devil! Bring him on!" I was not afraid at all. I was ready to go one on one with the devil. "OK" he said. "Lets go down here." We walked down a small downhill. At the end of the downhill, we stopped when we saw a man in a hoodie walking in the opposite direction. I asked " Is that the devil?" I imagined that he would stop, and show himself. But he didn’t. He walked right past us. And I asked again inside "Is that the devil?" "Ask him" I was answered. I found myself looking for excuses for why I could not ask such a thing. But before I could finish that thought, I found out that I was not in control of my own voice. I heard myself in a loud voice ask "Excuse me. Are you the devil?" The man turned around, and started to walk against me again. He did not look happy. I was thinking "Oh no.. You should not have said that..." I could not finish that thought either, before the man in the hoodie was standing right in front of me and asked firmly "What did you say?!" I heard myself ask the question again, but now in the softest voice I have heard. "I was asking: Are you the devil?"
The man, to my surprise started smiling right away, and answered "No, I am not the devil. And then he added "NAV" is the devil, isn’t it."
I answered (As I at this moment regained control of my own voice; "Yeah, I have been in NAV, for far to long myself."
(NAV is the name of the unemployment and social care office in Norway)
After this I had regained control of my voice, but It was very hard to get any words out. Because I was totally stoned. I mumbled as I sat myself down on the side of the road. And the man smiled, and started to walk away. When the man was at the top of the hill, I heard myself shout "I'm sitting in ice. It is cold!" The man just laughed a little and answered "Well, good luck with that." And he was gone. I sat there alone on the side of the road for a while, and then I heard the voice in my head say in a happy voice; "OK, lets go home"
We went inside, and I went strait to sit on my bed. I felt a very big hand hold me on my head. like when someone get blessed, and then I felt as if I was held like an infant is held. Then I heard someone say "Rest now. You did good today." I fell asleep in the matter of seconds.
There's probably a lot I have not included in the description of what happened. This whole experience lasted for four and a half hours. From 07:30 pm until midnight on Easter Eve 2013. Exactly 1980 years after Jesus was crucified and rose again from the dead, I Was also "born again".
The next day (today 31.03.2013) I woke up feeling more refreshed and happier than I have ever felt. And just as a reminder of what happened the day before, I found a button from the shirt I had put on to go out the day earlier. I found that button in my bed. All I wanted to do was to write this all down. Even tho I know that, it would almost be impossible to describe what I felt, and what I experienced here. It was a miracle. I have Jesus now, in my heart. I am now a part of the body of Christ. It is still a lot I do not understand, and I am still somewhat dazed and confused. But maybe it takes three days to "Reboot"...:-)
I hope this experience, and by me telling it will bless someone else.
With Faith, Hope and Love; Anything is possible.
Tressy Tresmark